Star Trek, the Retro Look...

From: ME Incorporated <whyyou_at_boddah.me>
Date: Sun, 20 May 2001 01:41:34 -0500

TOS was all the late 60's look. Those uniforms, the sets, all those things. TNG was late 80s, and set the look for the other two, DS9 and VOY. TNG still set the tone for the uniforms as well during the movies. DS9 and Voyager took on the Generations unis, and then DS9 went with the First Contact unis. Voyager, bein' stuck "out there" hadn't caught up. (Although, with that new famdangled infobeam they've got, they should have updated. Maybe Janeway made a field command decision, staying with the brighter ones. Smart move. 8^)

Anyway, back to the point. So, if you extrapolate backwards, the uniforms are going to have to be even simpler, and for the ladies, MUCH shorter. Perhaps leotards for the ladies, as how high can a miniskirt go? Of course, they'll all get pointy sideburns. The men will have FULL color uniforms too, and this time it'll be command BLUE, medical RED, and engineering gold. All major time leaps for series have to change the colors, as we saw with TNG. Heh. Bakula in all blue shirt/pants/boots. That's gonna be a hoot.

No, wait. Think about it. TOS: Late 60's, TNG Late 80's, so that means Enterprise is Late 40's! OMG. We don't even get Poodle skirts or Leather Jackets a la Grease. We'd have to go just after the WWII era, so that'd be Fighter/Bomber Jackets, sun glasses...

While we're at it, going backwards, the ranks are pips, then insignias on the shoulders, then stripes on the sleeves. So, for Enterprise, it's gonna have to be stripes up and down from the left shoulder to the tail of the shirt. Yeah.

The smallest phasers will be rifle like things. Well, maybe a large blow dryer look. And no hyposprays. Ya got to go backwards, so needles will be back in. Maybe they get invented by Season 3. No protoplaser or cellular regenerator, or whatever. You get scalpels and sutures.

Tricorders will have only gotten to the Mark 3 stage, I bet, so they're gonna be HUGE. Look at Data's, then look at Spock's. Yeah, huge. Backpack sized, with a remote, cabled sensor thingy. Ditto for the communicators.

WAY more Chrome on the controls everywhere. And the corridors are going to be 20 feet wide, and 15 feet high. You're going to have to strap in to the turbolift. No more just standing, or holding the control thingy.

At least the helm should get a T bar speed control. I still think that's the way it should have been...

Oh, and now the captain has to get in a fight in every act, and sleep with four times as many babes as Kirk. Well, maybe only two babes an episode, one of which he will kick the crap out of before bedding her. And any alien babes will have to be nekkid, or maybe have one breast exposed, as you have to reverse engineer the Theiss Titillation Theory, right? I'm all for that, pig that I am. That babe in the episode "Wink of an Eye?" In this series, that whole side has to be exposed. Yeah! 8^)

Of course, these are just some speculations, based on reverse trending from TNG to TOS and then back some. As you can see, I didn't remove the Warp Drive, as Cochrane had that figured out. But I do wonder about the gravity.

Anything I've missed? 8^)

I can't wait to see how they do the "past." I think it's gonna be fun!

--


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Received on Sat May 19 2001 - 23:46:02 PDT